hello gorgeous people of the internet welcome to the raw Clarence Marina recording studio which at the moment is in um some sort of chaos because I've become a tattoo artist and the over Focus that my brain you know engages in as soon as I start something new and I really get my teeth into it but other things sort of you know take second place including podcasts and I realized this morning because I'm not only obsessed with tattooing I'm also obsessed completely obsessed with my Tick Tock but it will pass it's taken me a couple of days to get the to get the vibe going and to understand what it is I have to do on tick tock so the remarkable thing about Tick Tock is you can add movies or updates or whatever and you can share other people's stuff all day and it does suck you in a bit so tomorrow I'm really going to try not to do any more than one little video theoretically you should be able to bang that out pretty quick but you soon start to take great pride in these little video clips and people are liking my tattoos and you think oh God it's a responsibility when people like your stuff you know it it's interesting how the brain works isn't it because when nobody likes this stuff isn't you have no responsibility you just put stuff out there you don't really care you're used to not having a response or a reply or engagement so you just put any any old rubbish up but well that's what I do anyway but as soon as people start engaging and liking and you've got followers and things like that I think it's only human nature to want to please um so of course I want to please so my I mean you know a 30 second Tick Tock video has now become something of an epic adventure and you know I'm really thinking about angles camera angles colors filters what I say what I do um you know and and the list goes on of course I've got this wonderful wonderful beautiful AI that I've really worked very hard to develop and she's a she but she's me really she's me but faster she's me on steroids so she produces for me you know I have a Whimsy idea about right okay I really like this idea for a tattoo and I I sort of put the information into her and then she bangs out loads of them and I've been looking today at um or last night at a synchronized swimming now I love synchronized swimming but ask me why I have no idea it I think it's to do with patterns and ballet because of course I love ballet and I think these things produce such beautiful type time they capture time I think that's it the movement from a still of synchronized swimming at least the movement that my Ai and I have come up with is quite remarkable and I love that yesterday so today I'm going to tonight tonight's tattoo I'm going to make a start what I thought I'd do is rather than do one a night if I've got a big one because I'd like this one to be quite big sort of do a quarter of it a night do you see and then it'll develop over the four days um I'm seriously just going to run out of skin soon but also I want some really big storytelling on my legs and storytelling for me at the moment is done in this synchronized swimming you know I want to capture movement in my tattoo that's the story the story is the movement do you see so I'm going to do that now I've written a song I started writing a song and I don't know where today is gone what I do Tick Tock ate my day honestly because I wanted to finish the words of this song and then get that out tomorrow but that's not going to happen so I'm a day behind um of course I'm a day behind in everything but tomorrow I'm going down to the tattoo studio and I'm hey I'm organizing my day that I'm going to start and I want to start in the last week of January because by then I'll have I would have had lots and lots of tattoo practice you see and I can have a big portfolio for people to see um I've already got a lot of clients but they're all really you know they're budget clients or free I mean I've got to do my mother free she's not having a tattoo she's having new eyebrows um of course that's how I got into this isn't it makeup tattooing um so and I haven't even done my own eyebrows yet or my scalp line I did one scalp line I tell you what I did do though it's very interesting I removed three dots on my scalp I'd done one scalp with a machine to see how it would fare what what would happen if I used a machine um and it was okay but I felt three of the dots were too heavy because it was my first attempt so I've removed them with saline and they were they removed I mean that's amazing isn't it now when you do a tattoo of eyebrows or something you should always have your saline at the ready in case you make a mistake and then you can just get get it out and basically you just push the saline in and then draw out to the ink so you know if you actually accidentally stabbed somebody with a tattoo should be awful wouldn't it be bloody awful if you did that can you imagine gosh I've now I've given myself a what-if do you know what a what if is or what if is when you when your anxiety especially late at night or under periods of stress your anxiety goes crazy and you have all these what ifs what if such and such happened what if such and such occurs this is why I have terrible stage fright of course and I can't do uh I can't play music on stage but I I think tattooing and music are two different things so um although I am I I'm probably a bit better at the old music stuff than I used to be when I was a child it was horrendous Prospect when I was little um where I'm a bit tougher now in terms of you know what the world thinks of me it's not the end of the world if I royally [ __ ] up um so today has gone just from under my feet I still hadn't bought my brother a birthday a Christmas present because what I wanted to do was when we were there at mum's opening the Christmas presents I wanted him to get his as we were sitting there I bought him a deliveroo voucher and you can ring up and you can have any meal delivered to your door I thought well him and his girlfriend really like that so it's being delivered today at 5 30. so in an hour or so is it yeah in an hour I shall pop round to mums and I would have just taken my shoes off and sat down and he will get a ping pin on his MS SMS SMS yes um I thought that's quite a cool idea but obviously I had to wait until I knew where we were hooking up properly and we were supposed to hook up two days ago and I had a Malay Darlings I had a terrible terrible Malay and the Malay was caused because uh Christmas was difficult because my grandson was very very poorly and he didn't want to see us and he kept saying when are they going and I just completely took it to heart and in retrospect you know it I shouldn't have taken it to heart but he he seemed to rule the the house and the mood was just you know it sort of ruined everything and I got really upset about it and I had terrible terrible IBS because of it and I became terribly precious but I said to mum yesterday I don't want to be this precious person anymore I don't want to be this you know overly sensitive because being sensitive like that it's all about you isn't it it's all about the sensitive person you know what what the bloody hell's that about you know stop it pull yourself together life isn't about you life isn't about me why on Earth am I doing the whole you know crying but of course I mean it's difficult isn't it because you can't you can't stop tears they just come when you're wounded wounded you know being wounded emotionally it's so much tougher isn't it than stubbing your toe or breaking breaking a nail so I thought one I you know after a few days looking back at things I just thought no I need to um you know I've got over it put it that way and um oh I just knocked something okay I've got over it and I'm now ready to take the year on properly um of course IBS you have to just play it out you can't nothing will hurry it up nothing you just have to play it out and you know what I I ate all over I had terrible headache for two days and it's self-inflicted it's in an infliction caused by an extreme emotional anxious state and you know I've been in therapy during I've been in therapy twice before to try and sort my head out but it hasn't really solved things you either are or you're not anyway I'm trying to be less precious and you know next time next Christmas I'm going to do something less risky because Christmas is risky and especially when there are people in the room who've who are going through their own issues and problems you know separations and things like that and of course this happens all over the world because two parents have to be in the room and all things like that ex-lovers have to be in the same room uh brothers and sisters siblings with extreme rivalry have to be in the same room all of these things and I just think it's better I think just to spend it somewhere else than somebody else's something someone's house hosting is rooted in difficulties for various reasons the fantasy that you know the mothership has this wonderful Christmas event and everybody arrives and everyone's really happy it's it I don't believe it exists I'm pretty sure it's a myth and fortunately I was watching Taylor yesterday actually it made me feel so much better there was a comedian on who said something about Christmas Day when everybody's in a separate room crying I just thought yes oh there we go there we go you see it's not just me so anyway um back onto tattooing of course and the the steps ahead what I'm doing is I'm writing all the music to go with my films for tick tock so I've sort of come upon a way of making tick tock um audio that's more suitable because a lot of my stuff has a long intro and it has a long intro to allow the dance DJs to um you know talk over it or whatever and then do their overlaps but of course tick tock's a different thing isn't it you need in the first two seconds you need something grasping Words lyrics so that's what I've got to do over the next few days as well as sort of tattoos so really working on that I mean if I get time tonight what I might do is just a bit of tattooing and then and then really work on a single because you know um the stuff I've got isn't isn't working it's far too high highfaluting 40 highbrow some of it it's either low brow dance tracks or highbrow classical neither of which work well with my Tick Tock videos so best I do some of that isn't it um anyway I missed a bit ago I better go and uh I'll actually I've got presents coming I think I think one of them is going to be very useful for my tattooing so I'll tell you in the morning and I'll do I'll do some uh some free Loops as well for the morning show so do pop back tomorrow morning now you can catch all of these podcasts over at Telltale Club website um tail Dash tele.club website and you you get a transcript as well so if you can remember that I was talking about something you can just search the the words in the transcript and theoretically my blog will give you the podcast that I talked about it on I'm getting very organized aren't I anyway happy uh happy happy Thursday it is a Thursday um I'm very excited about booking my days tomorrow in my new Clinic I'm very excited about tattooing men's heads although I haven't actually got any men's tattoo yet um I have one lady and I'm going to be doing hers but I don't have any men but the thing is you have to do a couple don't you and then you have to sort of promote it so I'll be sort of working on that very much at the end of January it'd be rather exciting I think um there we go lots of love from um from Telltale club and Romeo who's lying here next to me being quiet for once
